


Mistakes, Regrets, and Repentance

by TacoLoveTwoWays



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Communication, F/F, Mistakes, Wooing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21985957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacoLoveTwoWays/pseuds/TacoLoveTwoWays
Summary: Alex is worried sick about Kara because she's been distant over the past few weeks. When she finally gets the chance to confront her about what has been bothering Kara so badly, she gets more than she bargained for and it absolutely breaks her heart. She soon realizes she's got her work cut out for her.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 36
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

Alex was baffled; heartbroken too. She had no idea what was going on. Kara had become so distant in their relationship the past few weeks; at first, she passed it off as Kara just needing space. That she was dealing with something, and that when the time came and she was ready to talk about it, she would let Alex in, and they would work through whatever it was together.

But then she started to realize that the only person Kara was being distant from was… _Alex herself_. Just Alex… No one else.

Brainy, Nia, James, and J’onn were all still talking to Kara and she wasn’t acting any different towards them. Although they did say that she wasn’t as perky as normal, but she wasn’t _distant_ from them.

Hell, even the new guy William… But when it came to Alex; Kara wouldn’t even look her in the eyes.

Alex had been content on riding it out; but then just over a week ago things changed for the worst. Instead of just being distant with Alex; Kara had begun to avoid her completely. She ignored her texts, forwarded her calls to voicemail, and hadn’t visited any of their frequented hangout spots.

She’d asked around, and no one had seen her in over a week. Not even J’onn or Eliza.

Alex had tried a few times to visit Kara at home, but Kara had either refused to answer the door, or she just wasn’t there. At this point; everyone was worried about Kara. Especially Alex; because she had no idea what was going on. Why had Kara decided to isolate herself? Why had Kara started ignoring her?

Finally, Alex broke down and decided to use her DEO connections to track down Kara’s phone… She hadn’t wanted to do that, she hated betraying Kara’s trust and confidence, but she needed Kara, and she missed her; and was considerably worried about her, and about what this all meant.

She’d tracked Kara down to a small Alien bar about 50 minutes from National City… which wasn’t exactly the most comforting thought; that Kara was possibly getting drunk so far from home… or that Kara was getting drunk at all, for that matter. But, she got in her DEO issued SUV and sped with sirens and lights all the way to the bar; making it in just under 30 minutes.

She walked in, and scoured the bar for a moment until she saw Kara in a back corner booth slouched over a full glass. She looked defeated; which inadvertently devasted Alex as well.

Alex took a deep breath, and walked over to Kara. She slid into the booth across from Kara and sat silently, just taking in everything that was Kara for a moment. Giving Kara the opportunity to initiate the conversation…

But she didn’t, to Alex’s chagrin.

Alex swallowed a lump in her throat, inhaled deeply and spoke. “Everyone’s worried about you, Kar’… _I’m_ worried about you. What’s going on? Please don’t shut me out, I want to help you in whatever way I can.”

Kara chuckled humorlessly at that and took what seemed to be the first sip of her beverage.

Alex’s heart sank, and a frown crept up on her face. What was so funny about Alex wanting to help her?

“Kara, please talk to me.” Alex practically pleaded.

Kara refused to look at her, her hands in tight fists on the table. Her body was tense, her expression was a mix of anger, resentment, and utter sadness, and all Alex wanted to do was take away all of Kara’s pain. “Kara, whatever I did to make you this hurt, or this upset, I am so, _so_ incredibly sorry. But please, we have to talk about this.”

Alex’s heart was tearing itself apart at the seams… It was clear that whatever this was wasn’t something minute that could be fixed with a simple apology and a hug. Whatever Alex had or hadn’t done had caused a deep seeded pain in Kara… and it broke Alex as she realized just how bad Kara was hurting.

The only response Kara gave her was a tightening of her fists, turning her knuckles white. “How did you even find me?” She gritted out through her teeth.

The anger Kara showed at being found by Alex felt like a punch to the gut, but Alex answered honestly. “I tracked your phone. It was the only way I could think of to get to see you face to face. I can’t keep going on like this, Kara.”

Kara shrugged indignantly. “Nice. Can’t even give me my privacy now either, huh?”

“Kara, I needed to see you. I needed to fix whatever is broken between us.” Alex said desperately as she reached out and placed her opened hand on top of Kara’s, only for Kara to break Alex’s heart by tearing her hand away. “ _Kara_.” She croaked out in devastation.

Kara shook her head, a tear running down her cheek.

“Please, let me take us home, and we can sit down and just… just… _try_ to talk. Maybe on the drive back you’ll find a way to express your anger towards me in a… more communicative way”

Kara seemed to weigh her options for a moment, before downing the rest of her drink and standing up, gesturing for Alex to lead her to the car.

~~~~ 

The whole car ride back to Kara’s loft was torture for Alex. Kara refused to even look at her. Instead, she crossed her arms over her chest, and sat stiff as a board in the passenger seat as she stared out the window… the negative tension was so palpable between them that it could have been cut with a knife… and it weighed heavy on Alex’s heart. She had no idea what she’d done to ruin them this badly. She was terrified of losing Kara.

When they reached the loft, Kara walked straight to her couch Alex stood in the middle of the living room, not quite sure if she was even welcomed to sit.

There was only one thought running through her mind; one horrible fear that she can’t get out of her head and that she needed assuaged right away. “Kara… are you… Do you….” She couldn’t get the words out. The thought of what the answer might be too horrifying to even consider.

“Do I what?” Kara asked; her tone emotionless.

Alex swallowed back a sob. “Do you…” She paused to swallow back her tears. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Kara squirmed in her seat, still not meeting Alex’s eyes, and that’s when Alex realized this was far more serious than she’d ever imagined. “Kara?!” She asked in terror.

Kara shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it would be for the best.”

“The best for who!?” Alex asked frantically as she crossed the living room and fell to her knees in front of Kara. “Kara please don’t do this. Whatever I did, I will fix it, I swear! Please just tell me what I need to do!”

She tried placing her hands on Kara’s, but Kara yanked her hands away and abruptly stood up and distanced herself from Alex by going to the other side of the room. “How can you be so oblivious!?” Kara asked in pure fury.

The rage in which Kara spoke completely took Alex by surprise and terrified her. “Kara, I-,”

Kara shook her head. “For _WEEKS_ Kelly Olsen has been flirting with you. And at first I didn’t think anything of it; you’re hot, and you’re charming so of course I understood why anyone would want to flirt with you. But then I noticed that you were flirting _back_. Right. In. Front. Of. Me.” Kara’s voice broke so she took a deep, shaky breath before she continued. “I let it go initially. I thought you were reciprocating just to be nice. But then you started spending more and more time with her. You started flirting more and more; so, I started to get angrier and more hurt, but I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t even know how to put my anger and hurt into words so I just started distancing myself until I could figure out a healthy way to communicate with you. But _then_ the night we had game night you let her kiss you on her cheek. That was the last straw. I didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want to hear you. I didn’t even want to hear _about_ you so I just… isolated myself. It was the only way I could think to get out of it all.”

Hearing how badly she’d hurt Kara, and she was desperate to fix it. “Kara I will never talk to Kelly again in my entire life if that will make any of this better. Please, I swear to you I never meant to hurt you. I just… I didn’t realize that I was hurting you so badly.”

Kara raised a brow. “Oh? So you’re telling me if I blatantly flirted with a beautiful woman right in front of you for weeks on end and then let her kiss my cheek right in front of all of our friends you’d be perfectly okay with it?”

Alex’s stomach twisted at the thought of the hypothetical Kara gave her. “No, Kara you’re right. I’d be furious and hurt if you did what I did to you, and I’m so sorry… But if you give me a chance to-,”

“And on top of all that, you’re not even willing to tell our friends and family that we’ve been (officially) together for the past two years. So not only have you been blatantly disrespecting me in our relationship by flirting with another woman, but you’ve also refused for two consecutive years to acknowledge our relationship on any public forum.”

Alex now realized how deep the whole she’d dug for herself was, but she had to find a way out of it… She couldn’t bear the thought of losing Kara. “O-okay, Kara. I see your point, and I hear you, and I want to make everything better. Please, I will never talk to Kelly again if that’s what it takes; and I will shout from the rooftops that I am in love with you. Okay?”

Kara wiped her tears from her eyes and shook her head no. “Dating Mon-El was only good for one thing. It taught me that I deserved better than someone that consistently disrespects me in our relationship. The only bad thing is, I never expected, out of everyone… it’d be you that would hurt me like this.”

Alex’s heart shattered and she tried to walk closer to Kara, but Kara stepped backwards and shook her head as tears ran down her face. “No.” Kara croaked out in a broken voice. “You need to leave, Alex. I love you, I will always love you, and we will always be sisters… but I can’t be around you right now and I think it’s best if our relationship ends right here.”

Alex shook her head. “Kara please. You’re my everything. I realize lately I’ve been awful, but if you just give me the chance, I promise you I can and will do better.”

Kara opened the door and looked down as tears waterfalled down her cheeks. “You need to leave, Alex. Now.”

Alex let out a sob as her entire heart felt like it’d been ripped out of her chest cavity. “Okay.” She cried. “But I will talk to you soon. Because I am not going to lose you without a tremendous fight.”

Kara didn’t say anything until Alex turned around outside her door. “Goodbye, Alex.”

Alex’s lip was trembling. “Please, Kara… It’s _me_.”

“I know, which is why this is the most hurt I’ve ever been.” Kara cried before she gently shut the door in Alex’s face.

Alex collapsed in sobs. It had taken14 years, and a huge mistake of dating Maggie Sawyer for her to finally confess her feelings for Kara, and now she’d ruined it all by being a coward and a flirt. How the hell could she be so stupid? She knew now that even if Kara did allow Alex back into her life as her ‘sister’ it would never be the same.

So, as she finally managed to get enough strength to stand up again she decided that no matter what happened, she would fight until her dying breath to win Kara’s heart back if that’s what it took.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the part two some of you asked for! i hope you enjoy it. <3

Alex knew that life apart from Kara would be almost unbearable, but she never thought that it would come to this. Now that it had, she almost wanted to die. The only thing that was keeping her alive was the constant need to protect Kara; and the hope that someday soon Kara would speak to her again, and they could work something out.

She wanted more than anything to keep pushing and try her hardest to fix what she’d done, but she wasn’t a stalker. She wasn’t Mon-El, and she would respect Kara’s wishes. If Kara wanted to be left alone; she would leave her alone, no matter how hard and painful it was to do.

It had been a month and a half since their break up; and ever since then, the only time she saw Kara was during DEO business, the rest of the time, she’d only know how she was doing when she saw Supergirl on TV or when she asked one of the other Superfriends.

It hurt like hell, and she was constantly worried about Kara. She wanted to make amends somehow, so, finally… She broke down and decided to send Kara a humongous snack basket. She knew that she should respect Kara’s boundaries, but it was genuinely eating her alive and she couldn’t wait any longer.

She went online and handpicked every single snack that she knew Kara loved and had them all put into the biggest basket they had, and picked blue and red tissue paper (the house of El’s colors… Kara’s favorite.) Then, for the note she wrote the following:

_I’m not trying to excuse what I did. I’m not asking for you to take me back. I just want you to know that I love you more than anything, and I miss you with my very being._

_Yours forever,_

_-Alex_

She let out a shaky breath and clicked the purchase button before she closed her laptop and bit her nail. She really hoped this had the desired outcome; and didn’t worsen things instead. She couldn’t handle losing Kara in every capacity forever.

~~~

She was sitting on her balcony, watching the city. She went over everything Kara had said, and re-examined her own actions for the tail end of their relationship. Why had she done the things that she did? Why had she allowed Kelly to flirt? Why had she flirted back? She cared about Kelly, and she was an amazing friend, but Alex’s heart belonged to Kara, and only Kara… Why had she given anyone the impression that she was interested in anyone else? Why had she led Kelly on? Why had she disrespected Kara so patently?

Even she herself couldn’t understand her actions. She just wanted to keep her relationship with Kara a secret, to protect her. Kara has always wanted to fit in, and be normal, but she always felt like an outcast because she had such a hard time adjusting to being a Kryptonian on Earth and she always felt like a freak. Being in an exclusive and public relationship with her _sister_ would get her treated like a freak all over again; and Alex, more than anything… wanted to protect her from that, but she had never realized what it must have seemed like to Kara.

Every time Kara had tried to talk about going public, Alex had adamantly refused. She had told her that she was happy with the way things were. She had always thought that Kara just accepted it, but as she looked back, she could remember all of the heartbroken and defeated expressions.

Alex’s heart broke and she covered her mouth as a sob escaped. Kara had been in pain for years, had been trying to tell her that for years… but all Alex managed to do was shut her down and make her feel like Alex was ashamed of them. Which couldn’t be falser.

Kara must have felt so alone. She couldn’t go to anyone for advice on how to handle Alex’s flirting because Alex had refused to let her tell _anyone_ … Without even telling her why.

Her first instinct was to run all the way over to Kara’s place and try to explain everything. To try to fix things. To beg, and plead, and cry for Kara’s love again. But she couldn’t, she _wouldn’t_ do that to Kara. Kara’s pain was real, and she deserved the time to process it all before Alex came busting down her door with apologies and manipulative please for forgiveness. Kara deserved better, so Alex would _be_ better.

**~~~**

“Your sister isn’t acting right. I tried to give her pot stickers and she said she ‘wasn’t hungry’ which is totally not like her, and she’s clearly avoiding talking about anything that has to do with you. I’m really worried about her.” Nia said as soon as Alex opened her door.

It had been another week since Alex realized just how horrible she’d made Kara feel for the past two years, and she was even more miserable than ever. She’d called off work the past three days and she was in one of Kara’s old and tattered painting sweatshirts and a pair of baggy sweatpants, but to hear just how heartbroken Kara was just made Alex feel guiltier than she already did.

Nia frowned. “And now I’m beginning to worry about you too. What is going on with you two?”

Alex sighed and lowered her head as she fought back tears. “We’re just… going through some stuff right now.”

Nia gave her knowing look. “I was never going to say anything, because I knew it was super complicated and personal; but I saw you kissing Kara when you two were alone in the infirmary at the DEO about a year ago. Does this have something to do with that?”

Alex’s heart sank. “You knew?”

Nia nodded. “Yes, but I respected your privacy… But here for the past few months you two have been acting really weird, and I’m worried. What is going on? Si there anything I can do to help?”

Alex bit her lip and looked down to the floor in shame. “I screwed up big time. So big, in fact, that I accidentally pushed Kara to break up with me. Things have been really tense between us ever since.”

Nia frowned. “Well, it’s Kara. I’m sure she’ll forgive you eventually. Have you gone to talk to her? Tried to fix things?”

Alex shook her head. “She needs time to process everything and calm down. I’m respecting her wishes. I _did_ send her a snack basket though.”

Nia frowned. “Alex, please go talk to her. You’ve respected her wishes for a month, maybe she’s just waiting for you to make the first move at reconciliation?”

Alex shook her head. “No. I don’t want to push her. I’ve already hurt her so much, and I refuse to do anything that could hurt her or disrespect her more. It hurts like hell, but I’m going to hold out. Maybe my gift basket will be the peace offering needed to start building a bridge to forgiveness… I hope something happens soon, though. This is killing me.”

Nia looked at her with sympathy and gave Alex a tight hug. “I hope you two can fix things. I’ve never seen you so miserable in my life.”

Alex smiled sadly. “Thanks, Nia. Please don’t tell Kara to talk to me though. I want her to come on her own terms, not out of guilt, and not because someone talked her into it.”

Nia frowned but agreed. “Alright.”

“And Nia?” Alex called back as Nia turned to leave.

Nia turned. “Yes?”

“Try Ice Cream.”

Nia furrowed her brow. “What?”

“Kara needs to eat, and even though she turned down Pot Stickers, she needs the calories. So, try ice cream; rocky road. She never turns that down.” Alex informed sadly. She was worried about Kara, but she was in no position to try and help her… But Nia was.

Nia smiled knowingly. “Wow, you really are in love with her, aren’t you?”

Alex swallowed back her tears and nodded. “With every part of my being.”

**~~~**

Three hours later Alex was sitting on her couch looking through her phone and all the pictures she had of Kara. She felt a nostalgic sadness wash over her. She wanted nothing more than to hold Kara the way she was in most of these photos again.

She swallowed back tears, her throat swelling when there was a knock on her door. She immediately grabbed her gun and stood up. “Who is it?” She called out.

“Me.”

Alex’s heart stopped. She almost didn’t believe it. “K- _Kara_?” She asked, to prove to herself that she wasn’t imagining it, that the love of her life truly was behind her door.

“Yes, Alex, it’s me. You can put the gun down, I’m not here to hurt you.” Kara said monotonously.

Alex immediately threw the gun on the couch and ran to the door. She unlocked it and swung it open. Her breath was taken away as she looked at how beautiful her girlf-… Alex’s heart sank as she remembered she couldn’t call Kara her girlfriend anymore. “I would never think you would hurt me. Even if I deserve it.”

Kara didn’t say anything, and wasn’t meeting Alex’s eyes, and although that hurt Alex like hell, she was just so glad that Kara was _finally_ in front of her. “W-would you like to come in?” Alex asked nervously.

Kara hesitated for a moment, but then finally nodded.

Alex let out a relieved breath as she stepped aside, and Kara entered. This was good. This was a step in the right direction… it had to be.

“What brought you by?” Alex nervously asked as she sat down on her couch (Kara seated herself on the recliner across the living room).

“Rocky Road ice cream.” Kara said flatly.

“What?” Alex asked in confusion.

“Nia has been trying to get me to eat all day. She said that since I turned down pot stickers she had to pull out the ‘big guns’ and brought me rocky road ice cream because I could never turn that down… That’s a play straight from your book.” Kara said, finally meeting Alex’s eyes.

Alex gulped anxiously. “I-is that a bad thing?”

Kara shook her head. “No. That, along with he gift basket you sent a few weeks ago, showed me that you still cared. So, here I am. We definitely need to talk.”

Alex nodded, hope radiating through her. “Yes, I agree. We most certainly do. I’d like to start this all off by saying how sorry I am. I don’t know why I flirted with Kelly. It was disrespectful to you, and I should have never engaged in anything but friendly conversation with her. I have no feelings for her, and never did. She is my friend. _Our_ friend.”

Kara looked away, rolled her lips into her mouth and nodded slowly.

Alex didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign, so she just continued apologizing. “Kara I know what you must think about how I felt about us-,”

Kara looked at her and raised a brow. “That you were ashamed of our romantic relationship, and never really wanted it to grow into anything more than your dirty little secret? And then when Kelly came along you couldn’t help but flirt back because you liked the attention? Because that’s exactly what I think.”

Alex’s eyes widened and she shook her head rapidly “No! Kara, no, _baby_ that’s not at all how I felt.” She wiped her tears away and tried her best to explain her feelings. “Kara, I’m _so_ in love with you… I can’t imagine how _anyone_ could ever be ashamed of loving you. You are my everything, you have been from the moment you stepped foot into my life. My first instinct is to protect you. Always. And I thought that by keeping our relationship a secret it would protect you from being ostracized. Because some people aren’t going to be very accepting of two sisters falling in love with each other. You’ve always felt like an outcast, and have always tried so hard to fit in with the rest of humanity, and I never wanted to jeopardize that for you. That was the _only_ reason I was so adamant about keeping us a secret. I’m not ashamed of you, Kara. I just want you to be able to live a happy, normal life.”

Kara stayed silent for a moment, tears caressing her cheeks. Alex wanted nothing more than to wipe her tears away and ease her pain. “Kara, I’m so sorry I made you feel like I was ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you.”

Kara sniffed and wiped at her eyes vigorously. “Why not just tell me that instead of getting upset every time I brought it up? That wasn’t your decision to make we were a couple. We were supposed to make decisions about our relationship _together_ … instead you made me feel horrible just for wanting to love you out in the open. I know how some people would see us; but they can’t see us like that if we don’t tell them that we were raised as sisters before we got together… And how did you think our relationship was going to unfold if we stuck with your plan? We’d just… love each other in secret and be sisters in public for the rest of our lives?”

Alex cried as she listened to Kara. “I know… I realize now how stupid I was. I should have talked to you, I shouldn’t have shut you out. I shouldn’t have flirted with Kelly. I know that, and I’m _so sorry_.”

Kara smiled sadly through her tears as she spoke. “I love that you want to protect me, Alex. I want to protect you too, more than anything or anyone I will always protect you first; but all hiding me did was hurt me.”

Alex wiped away her tears and nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry. But now all I’m asking is… where do we go from here? How do I fix this?”

Kara shook her head and wiped her eyes. “I don’t know if it can be fixed, Alex. There’s just… so much hurt here, and you yourself can’t even explain why you flirted with Kelly… So I’m thinking there may be some feelings hidden there on your part.

Alex shook her head frantically; wanting to dispel the thought from Kara’s head. “No! Kelly is my friend. That’s it. I promise. I love you, and only you. How do I prove it to you? How do I fix us so we can get back to our happy life together?”

Kara sat silently for a few moments as she looked to the floor pensively. She looked up, looking completely broken and defeated. “I don’t know if that’s even possible anymore.” She said brokenly.

Alex’s heart shattered. “Well… we-we can’t just be over.” She cried in a small, broken voice.

“I love you Alex, but I’m just not ready to jump right back into dating you after everything. Let’s just try to learn how to be sisters again.”

“WE WERE NEVER SISTERS!” Alex cried, causing Kara to jump in her seat; her face immediately showed hurt and Alex instantly regretted it. “I’m sorry, it’s just… we were always so much more than sisters. Our bond was thicker, our love was deeper, and our chemistry was stronger.”

Kara nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Kara, I can’t lose you.” Alex admitted shakily.

“You’re not losing me, Alex. We will always be in each other’s lives but-“

Alex cut her off. “I can’t lose our relationship. You are the love of my life, Kara. I will do anything to keep us together.”

Kara smiled sadly and walked over to the couch. She sat down next to Alex and took her hand. “Then please, let’s work on ourselves while still having each other in our lives. Let’s move forward as… _whatever_ we were before we got together and see where things lead us. We need to work through some things before we can ever get back together and actually make it work.”

“So, you’re saying we _will_ get back together eventually?” Alex asked hopefully.

Kara smiled and squeezed Alex’s hand. “I’m saying that if after we work through our issues that’s what we both still want, we could get back together.”

Alex’s heart severed itself. There were too many ‘ifs’ and ‘coulds’ in that sentence. There was no guarantee that she and Kara were going to get back together and her heart didn’t know how to handle that. “I know for sure that after we fix us, I’ll still want to be with you.”

Kara smiled tenderly. “Well, let’s start working through everything and see where life leads us.”

Alex was still broken, but now she had hope. Hope that Kara could be hers again. So, she was going to work hard, be attentive and an open book. She would dote on Kara and show the world just how much she loved Kara. She wouldn’t rest until Kara fell back in love with her.


End file.
